Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize