I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
