Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
