she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
