Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
