I feel like abortions should bother me more
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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