i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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