We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
