i jhust puked up my retainher.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
