North Korea, Best Korea!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
