Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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