i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
