Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize