4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You can't special order awesome
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
