hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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