Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
