there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
