Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize