I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize