dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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