...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize