Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
