so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
