do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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