i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
