do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
