So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
