...so i touched it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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