I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
