I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
