Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Buhtt sex?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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