I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
