oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
