Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
