How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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