My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
