He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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