Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
