if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
