just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
