whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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