i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
