Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
