Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
