I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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