If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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