Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
