I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize