If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
