Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
