Whod you bang
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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