Please, let me fuck your mom
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Panties = found
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
