U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
