i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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