Kiss
Puke
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Randomize
