Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
