remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize