maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
