No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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