In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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