I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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