Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize