she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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