As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
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