Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
