Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
