Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize