Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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