Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
