The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize