May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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