she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize