I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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