12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
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