Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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