Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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