I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
