Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
