At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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