I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
