i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
What drink are we having for lunch?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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