peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
