Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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