You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
