tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
