She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
