Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
