Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
