Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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