don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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