We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
