are you still at the devil's house?
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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