so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
