I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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