God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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