East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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