We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
