how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
