you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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