I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
