At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Moan for me like Helen Keller
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
