can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
