seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
