dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
