Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
