I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
