I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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